Sometimes the holidays aren’t always jolly

Time to be real…

I have been feeling overwhelmed and trying SO hard to be positive and present a positive front on The Bibliovert.  But I think it is time for me to be real. I am finding it to be exhausting to keep up with #blogmas. That for one is least of my concerns. 🙂

The holidays can be tricky. I can only speak for myself, but extended family drama is the number one cause for my current anxiety this holiday season. I’m not so keen on being so open, but during this time of year, it is really hard for some people to push through.  It takes a lot of energy to stuff down feelings and push on with the season with a smile. Just smile, and everyone will think it’s okay. Stay positive and it will appear as all is jolly this holiday season.

Unfortunately, I can’t do the smiling routine today. I want to be honest and this scares the crap out of me. Posting this out there for all to see.  But, I know in my heart, I am not the only one struggling this holiday season and want those that are struggling to know they aren’t the only ones.

I wrote this piece below to express my feeling and what is going through my head. This is me being uncomfortably vulnerable. But, I wanted to share it. Not to gain sympathy, but rather, to be honest, and real this holiday season.

 

Holidays can be stressful.

Each year seems to get harder and harder

I want to be strong

But I feel so weak.

Just smile

Everyone will think it’s okay

I just can’t stop thinking about how things should have been

How things could have been

I remember thinking I did something wrong

I remember stress, anxiety, and confusion

Trying to deal with the hand I was dealt

I remember thinking this isn’t how families should be…

Broken

Lost

Unsure

So many feelings I still battle

Why don’t we just forget about the past

Just ignore it

Pretend and move forward

As if nothing has happened

Hide those feelings

Just smile, and everyone will think it’s okay

That may work for some, but it’s a real struggle for me

But, sure, I’ll pretend

I’ll pretend that everything is okay

Just so that we can be a happy family
I tried and I’m sorry

I just can’t pretend anymore

Those feelings won’t stay hidden

My heart is aching

I want to be strong, but I feel so weak

Lord, I give it all up to you

Please, help me get through this tough season

Please, help me get through this tough season

 

For those struggling this season, I see those smiles that are just trying to get you through. I wish I could jump through this screen and give you a great big hug. ❤

Keep your chin up and know you’re not the only one!

I promise I’ll keep the downer posts to a minimum…But I do think I will be backing off on the #blogmas posts and only have them sporadically through December.  I’d rather have it be authentically happy then to have it feel forced.

Till next time…

Much Love ❤

2 thoughts on “Sometimes the holidays aren’t always jolly

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